Walking into The Samaritan Center at Mount Holly, a swell of peace washed over Joyce. The Samaritan staff welcomed her kindly, escorting her to her husband Harvey’s personal room. Despite the circumstance, she immediately felt a sense of calm in the warm, home-like environment of the Her husband Harvey’s frontal lobe brain tumor had progressed quickly and was now terminal.
Harvey, with Joyce by his side, received compassionate and skillful care from the Mount Holly care team over the next four days. In that time, Joyce witnessed the clinical team’s gentle touch as they bathed him, changed him, and looked after him. Though Harvey was the patient, Joyce as the caregiver shared that she also felt cared for by the staff. For Joyce, the hospice team’s care meant that she could focus entirely on spending precious moments with her husband, allowing her to be present at his bedside for his last moments. And as that time arrived, she rested her hand on his chest, and Harvey’s hand fell over hers in a final goodbye.
“I knew exactly how I would end my life,” Joyce shared frankly. After the loss of her husband, she experienced
loneliness and sadness exacerbated by ongoing medical issues. Creating a perfect storm that brought her to a low point where she was ready and planning to take her life. At that time, dying felt like an easier path than continuing to live with her grief. In the nick of time, she received a condolence card from The Samaritan Center for Grief Support.
Joyce declared simply, “Samaritan saved my life.” The card reminded her of the Samaritan grief counseling options available to her as a caregiver of a Samaritan patient. Asking for help was not something she was used to doing, but the courage to do so
saved her life. For Joyce, it felt affirming to reach out for help and receive that support without judgment.
Disclaimer: The Samaritan Center for Grief Support is always here to support our hospice and community bereaved. The Center is not a crisis intervention service and has limited hours of operation. If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call 988 (press one for Veterans, press 2 for Spanish) or text 988(English only for text services).
Disclaimer Cont’d Text TALK to 741741 to communicate with a trained counselor from the Crisis Text Line. Call 911 for emergencies. For a list of designated screening services in New Jersey by county, click here: Designated Screening Centers (nj.gov)
Working through depression and grief is no easy feat, but Joyce took it one day at a time. She attended two Samaritan Grief support groups, one focused on the loss of a spouse and the other on rebuilding life after loss. Additionally, she joined a New Jersey Widows group. These groups brought her a community of people who were walking through a similar stage of life and could understand the complex emotions of grief and loss.
In addition to group sessions, Joyce attended individual bereavement counseling at Samaritan with Lynn Kiernan LCSW, Samaritan Bereavement Counselor, who gave her tools for processing and helped her as she worked to rebuild her life. Lynn described the importance of counseling, “the journey of grief is not a path you need to walk alone, especially at a time when your heart is breaking, and the future looks bleak,” she continued, “bereavement counselors can make a difference through emotional support, active listening, education, and strategies which bring hope for a brighter future.”
One piece of advice from Lynn to Joyce was to write to Harvey in her journal. She began writing to him nightly, a routine that brought her comfort and kept his memory alive.
In the lead up to their 50th wedding anniversary, Joyce received notice that she was booked for an Alaskan cruise, a wonderful present from Harvey that he had arranged prior to his passing. This present from her thoughtful, loving husband was yet another reminder that there was so much life left to enjoy. She felt ready, with the tools she had acquired in grief counseling, to embark on this beautiful journey.
Today, Joyce is keen on sharing the important message to those grieving that life isn’t over after losing a loved one. She advises everyone to ask for help and not to shut themselves off.
“Each day is a new beginning” is her motto as she continues to rebuild her life, journal to Harvey, and build community. She has become a Samaritan volunteer, wanting to help others learn about Samaritan’s care services and the support available for patients and their caregivers. Additionally, wanting to pay it forward, she also became a Samaritan donor helping to make sure those who need them can also receive above and beyond care services.
Joyce’s pivotal decision to ask for support saved her life and allowed her to build a beautiful life after loss. Now she’s immersing herself in joyful living and planning another cruise, a solo one this time. She shares these plans with a smile saying, “Samaritan gave me the courage to do this.”